Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
