yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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