Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
