he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
