Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
