he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it's like heaven, but drunker
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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