I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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