Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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