Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
