Don't make out with my wife yet
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
