im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
