i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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