yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
