Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
