mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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