can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
