he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
