I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
