kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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