Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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