How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
