your parents love me but you hate me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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