pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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