I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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