He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i came on her dog
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
