2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just threw up on my dentist
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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