she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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