So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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