my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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