Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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