I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
