I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
are you so shy because you have an std?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize