Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
