Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
