As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
