Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
