Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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