I cannot find my penis.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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