Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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