Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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