I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
