just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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