He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
