plz talk dirty to me
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
