I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Randomize
