Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize