I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
tell me about the eggs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
