Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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