I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
