Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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