I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want nice things and good sex
Randomize
