I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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