before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I love you.
Bad choice
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
