Just cropdusted the office
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
