this beer tastes like vomit already
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
