I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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