It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
