ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
