I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
