Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
