I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
