dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
