I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
