guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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