I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
