How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
