He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
