well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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