i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
